Emotional Intelligence Archives | Klassen Performance Group

January 22, 2019 by Klassen Performance Group

Neighborly Standoff

We all face highly emotional situations from time to time personally and professionally. Your approach impacts the communication throughout the situation, the relationships of the people involved, and long-term outcomes. Do you see yourself in either approach in the situation between these two neighbors?

The situation

Shortly after Trent moved into his dream home, he went next door to meet his new neighbor, Jack, who was also new to the neighborhood. During a friendly conversation, Jack explained to Trent that the construction materials in the yard were for a 2-story garage he planned to build with living space above it. As Trent listened to Jack’s plan, he became increasingly concerned that this new garage not only encroached on his border, but that it would negatively impact his view and the value of his house.

Trent went home that night and began looking into the ordinances to see if Jack was actually in violation, and if he was, what could be done. To save time, he called Steve, a close friend and neighbor who has had previous boundary disputes of his own. Steve was sure that Jack’s plans would violate the law and Jack would need to amend the plans for his garage. Trent planned to go back over and talk to Jack the following evening.

The escalation

In the meantime, Steve continued to ponder the situation and became more and more angry as he thought of the impact Jack’s garage would have not only on Trent’s property, but on the whole neighborhood. Steve hadn’t met Jack yet, but he pegged him as a selfish outsider who wasn’t going to follow the rules no matter what. Steve went to Jack’s house and began walking around the garage foundation and taking measurements. Jack came outside demanding to know what Steve was doing on his property and things escalated from there. Voices were raised, profanity was flying, and lawsuits were threatened. Two other neighbors heard the exchange and were drawn in as well. It ended with a call to the sheriff and everyone going back to their respective houses.

The response

Trent was disappointed when he heard that things had taken such an adversarial turn before he could talk with Jack personally. As Trent considered how to approach Jack, he thought about what he wanted to accomplish. Trent wanted to find a way that Jack could build his garage without negatively impacting Trent’s view or property value. He also wanted to preserve the relationship because he will live next door to Jack for the foreseeable future and their kids will likely play together.

When Trent saw Jack in his yard, he grabbed a bottle of bourbon, took a deep breath, and went to talk. As he approached, he said, “So, I hear you met Steve.” That broke the tension and Trent asked Jack if he’d like to talk about this over a drink. Trent spent most of the 90 minutes that followed listening. Jack shared details of his plans as well as his understanding of the ordinances. Trent began to realize that he wasn’t as “right” as he thought he was (and Steve was certain he was) and his perspective began to change. There was more to Jack’s plans than the garage, and Trent realized that this might actually increase, not decrease, the value of his property. He still had some concerns about the impact on his view that he shared with Jack. They made a lot of progress during their conversation, and agreed to keep talking.

The impact

While they didn’t resolve everything at once, two important things happened. First, Trent’s willingness to listen quickly diffused Jack’s anger over feeling attacked by Steve and calmed his natural reflex to attack when he feels threatened. Had Jack chosen a confrontational response, there would very likely be an ongoing battle long after the issue of the garage was behind them.

Second, Trent began laying a solid foundation for a good relationship for years to come that won’t involve attorneys. Trent demonstrated open, respectful communication and a desire to find a mutually beneficial solution. This enabled Jack to move from defending himself to a willingness to compromise. This foundation will pave the way to future conversations when there are disagreements.

Trent is a graduate of our Mastering High Stakes Conversations course and shared this experience as an example of how he applied the skills he learned during that course. If you’d like to learn how to diffuse situations like this and build long-term personal and professional relationships, we offer three courses that will help:

June 5, 2018 by Klassen Performance Group

Ride Your Own Kind of Horse

My son, Justin has always made his own path. He knows what he wants and he enthusiastically goes after it, often forging a new path in the process. Justin was one of two high school students from the U.S. selected to attend the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Morocco. When he sent this picture to me, my initial thought was, “How are we going to get the camel smell out of that new suit?” That thought was quickly eclipsed by what a great metaphor the picture is for the importance of “riding your own kind of horse”.

Following convention is the leading cause of death of growth and innovation. Most of us find comfort in doing things the way they’ve always been done. We aren’t looking for comfort. The best ideas don’t come from doing things the way they’ve always been done. They emerge from a willingness to look at things from a different perspective and the courage to act on new ideas.

Four things to keep in mind as you ride down the path of innovation:

1. Seek diversity to find inspiration

Expose yourself to new people, experiences and ideas. Prime yourself to listen by going in with a goal of learning three new things or gaining three new insights. I recently met with someone who works in the medical device industry. The fact that we have very different experiences and responsibilities meant I walked away learning far more than three things. Our discussion gave me a different perspective on a project I am working on and added a great deal of value I couldn’t have obtained by talking with someone in my industry.

Meeting and engaging new people requires self-awareness and a willingness to stretch beyond your comfort zone. If you go in with an open mind and open ears, you’ll come away with plenty of inspiration.

2. Learn from the naysayers

There will be no shortage of people lining up to tell you that your idea will never work. There are many reasons for their negativity, and they may have nothing to do with the idea’s merits. But the naysayers provide feedback that can improve your idea and expedite its implementation. Naysayers can reveal problems you didn’t anticipate and potential solutions. You may discover competing interests from different stakeholders that could prevent buy-in. If nothing else, you will better understand your audience when it’s time to influence.

The emotional competencies of empathy, resilience and managing your emotional responses significantly enhance your ability to keep challenging conversations constructive.

3. Find your fan club

When the time comes to act on a new idea, wade through the naysayers to find positive, optimistic people who will offer encouragement and support. With new ideas come new challenges. It will be easier to overcome them if you feel the support and positive energy from people around you who believe in you and your idea. Building your fan base begins with your own optimism and excitement. People are attracted to positive energy. Learning to generate positive energy and emotions – especially when you face setbacks – will enable you to build and keep the key people on board.

4. Leverage your fear

Whether it is the fear of uncertainty, the fear of rejection, or of course, the fear of failure, fear is a powerful emotion and drives action in one way or another. If you aren’t careful, fear can drive you to abandon your ideas before they get off the ground. The key is to understand that fear, like all emotions, provides important information for you. It may be an indication that there is a problem to solve or it may provide information that can help you move forward if you know how to identify it and adapt accordingly.

For example, if the fear of an uncertain outcome threatens to paralyze you, focus on what you are certain of. It may be that you are certain you have the right team in place, a solid plan, and confidence in your idea. That initial fear of uncertainty can serve as a catalyst that ultimately increases your confidence and moves you forward.

Justin’s willingness to find new ways to do things has led to incredible experiences at a young age. I can only imagine what he’ll experience and accomplish going forward with this mindset. I challenge you to push yourself beyond the comfort of the familiar and find new ways of looking at what you’ve always done. Seek inspiration from unlikely sources, don’t let negative people get in your way, find positive people to encourage and support your new ideas, and leverage fear as a catalyst for success.

If you’d like to learn more about how increasing your emotional intelligence can help you build competencies in awareness and self-management that enable you to ride your own kind of horse, join us for Increasing Your Emotional Intelligence. See our Public Workshops page for dates.

May 10, 2018 by Klassen Performance Group

Beware of Excuses that can Sneak up on you

I needed an energy boost this afternoon, so I strapped on my roller blades for an exercise break. As a competitive person, I typically race against the clock, and today was no exception.

I was riding along at a good clip when the path took me through the woods. The path was littered with sticks, and I had to slow down to avoid tripping. I immediately thought, “If those sticks weren’t there, I’d have a better time.”

About a mile after coming out of the woods, there was a section of the path full of buds that had fallen from overhanging trees. They made the path very slippery forcing me to slow down. Again, I found myself thinking, “If it wasn’t for those buds, I’d have a better time.”

A half mile later I was back up to speed and focusing on making up for lost time. Before I knew it, I was struggling against a very strong wind as I rode along an open field. I pushed against the wind well aware of the impact on my time.

There is no doubt that these three obstacles slowed me down. Whether it’s rollerblading, a sales goal, or a product launch, there will always be obstacles that threaten results. If you are unaware of them, they can quickly become excuses that derail success.

Awareness is key to preventing automatic thoughts from becoming excuses. Tune in and listen to your thoughts when faced with an obstacle. Turn any potential negativity around by channeling your energy into finding the best way around it and then making up for lost ground.

Would you like to learn how to increase awareness of your thoughts, emotions, and behavior that impact your decisions, relationships, and ultimately your success? Please join us for an in-depth, focused workshop on Increasing Your Emotional Intelligence. See our Public Workshops page for dates.

February 14, 2018 by Klassen Performance Group

What Makes a Habit? Three Essential Components

Our first article in this 2-part series on habits focused on leveraging the power of habits to achieve New Year’s resolutions. In this article, we break down the components of a habit and give four strategies to help you overcome possible challenges.

Components of a Habit

A habit is an automatic behavior that initially requires conscious effort. It consists of 3 components: a cue, a routine, and a reward, which together form a habit loop.

The Cue:

The cue is whatever triggers the behavior. It could be a place, time, something you see or hear, or even an emotional state. A ringing cell phone is an obvious cue, while feelings of stress or anger may trigger behaviors of which you’re less aware. Because cues initiate the habit loop, it’s critical to become aware of the cues that drive your behavior.

The Routine:

The routine is the behavior that has become second-nature. Because roughly 40% of daily activity is routine (Duke University), it’s important to make sure routines are effective and goal-oriented to the degree possible. If you’re mindful and purposeful in creating routines, habits become powerful tools to help us achieve goals. Because it is much easier to change routines than cues and rewards, changing routines provides the greatest opportunity to change habits.

The Reward:

The third component is the reward. The reward satisfies a craving or need, so your brain quickly learns to repeat routines that generate rewards. Your brain links the cue to the reward so closely that you’ll begin to anticipate the reward as soon as the cue occurs. The routine then becomes a habit. Some rewards are easier to identify than others. Does walking to the vending machine midafternoon satisfy a craving for the energy the walk provides, the socializing you get chatting with others doing the same thing, a mental break, or something else? It is difficult to change a habit when you haven’t identified the reward.

Example
Imagine your resolution is to read career-building material for 30 minutes every morning before work. Interference from old habits can be one of the biggest hurdles to developing a new habit. For example, you may need to replace an existing routine (watching TV or browsing the internet) to make time for the new habit. Next, create a cue that indicates it’s time to read, such as leaving a book on the table where you enjoy your first cup of coffee. Seeing the book triggers the routine of reading for 30 minutes. You will then enjoy the reward. In this case, it could be desire for growth.

Four Strategies For Developing Successful Habits

As anyone who has ever set a New Year’s resolution knows, forming new habits can be challenging. Here are 4 tips that will help you develop new habits and increase the likelihood of success.

Change an old habit

It is far easier to change an old habit than to create a new one because you keep the same cue and get the same reward. The only change you need to make is to create a more productive routine. A simple example would be switching coffee for tea. You still get a hot drink at the same time, place and way as before. You can also still fulfill a craving for an energy boost. It’s just one small change. Contrast that with the effort adding a new habit of exercising every morning would take. Both are possible, but the small change is more likely to turn into a habit.
Identify your kryptonite

Most new habits meet resistance or roadblocks. For example, you may want to develop a habit of informally connecting with team members each day at lunch. If you find yourself unable to tear yourself away from your computer, it may help to put your lunch in the break room instead of at your desk to give yourself the extra push. To identify your kryptonite, reflect and write down your successes and struggles during your first few days of your new habit.
Make initial rewards enticing

Researchers in Germany found that when people were forming the habit of running, they were more successful when they rewarded themselves with a piece of chocolate after each run for the first 2 weeks. After that time, most stopped eating chocolate because they experienced stronger rewards from the endorphins released from running. Making a clear, positive association is the key. To kick start your habit, find a reward that will entice you to take action.
Repeat the routine

Many resolutions involve goals of personal improvement. Getting up 30 minutes earlier to exercise may seem excruciating initially, but every time you repeat the routine it becomes easier. The more frequently and consistently you do it, the faster it will become a habit.

Understanding the 3 components of habits and how habit loops drive behavior is a powerful first step to making habits work for you. By this time of year, roughly 80% of resolutions have already failed. Our challenge to you is to recommit to your resolutions and to develop habits that drive results.

Habits are so pervasive and powerful that we must become aware of this process. Self-awareness is a consistent theme in understanding habits. To increase your self-awareness and learn more about managing the emotions that can derail habits, join us in an upcoming session of Increasing Your Emotional Intelligence. See our Public Workshops page for dates.

October 25, 2017 by Klassen Performance Group

Recharge With Microbreaks

We live in a fast-paced world, constantly attending to one distraction after another while trying to get real work done. Trying to keep up can be exhausting. When we don’t pay attention to our energy levels and take the time to recharge, our productivity, health, and relationships suffer.

When I talk with people about managing their stress and energy, it is common to hear them say that they understand the benefits of taking breaks, but they can’t afford the time. They fear that if they take a break, their performance will suffer. In an effort to get the maximum ROI from their time, they bankrupt their energy and their performance suffers anyway, because we need both time and energy to be productive.

If that rings true for you, microbreaks could be the best solution. Microbreaks are periodic 30-second to five minute breaks that give you small boosts of energy. Much like plugging in your phone for 5 minutes gives it a small boost but not a full charge, microbreaks will replenish your energy enough to get through another 60-90 minutes. They don’t take the place of longer breaks like lunch, but throughout the day they provide a cumulative effect that will improve your energy, attention, and memory without the anxiety of feeling you’re falling behind.

It is important to remember that not all breaks are created equal. Spending time with people who drain your energy will not recharge you. Taking a break to scroll through social media could actually deplete your energy because you’re not getting a break from screen time. Don’t be fooled into thinking you are recharging just because you are doing something unrelated to work. If your brain is being taxed, you are still using energy.

If you truly want to have a positive impact on your energy level and mood, it is important to take breaks that will provide those benefits. The ideal microbreak involves physical activity and mentally disconnecting from work and technology.

Five easy microbreaks you can easily incorporate into your day:

Get Moving

When we sit for long periods of time, everything – including our ability to think – slows down. Get up every hour and move. Movement gets blood flowing and improves both energy and mental clarity. This can be as simple as walking over to a colleague’s desk to talk rather than sending an email, taking the stairs, a walking meeting, stretching, squats or toe raises. Even five minutes each hour will get your blood flowing and increase your energy and productivity. Make a list of the things you can do given your specific work situation and choose something from that list every hour.
Unplug

We spend the vast majority of our day in front of one screen or another. Whether it is a computer, TV, phone, or a tablet, it takes a physical, emotional, and psychological toll. We tend to fill even the tiniest window of time with a check of our technology. Although many see a chance to watch a video clip or scroll through social media as entertaining or even relaxing, research suggests it might actually be depleting our mental energy rather than recharging us. So what is the solution in a world where we need to be connected? Make time to unplug whenever you can and give your brain a rest so you can boost your energy. Resist the temptation to fill every spare minute you have and, instead, just be. The next time you’re waiting, don’t reach for your device, simply stay present. Focus on what’s going on around you. What do you see, hear, and smell? Maybe even strike up a conversation with someone else who’s waiting. Remember, every opportunity you have to unplug is an opportunity to allow your brain to rest and recharge.
Take a Mental break

Meditation has gotten a lot of attention recently, and for good reason. In the short term, meditation can calm nerves and recenter focus. Over a longer term (6-8 weeks) regular meditation rewires the brain’s response to stress. It increases your self-awareness and enables you to respond more effectively to stress so you can use your energy in more productive ways.

Meditation doesn’t have to be long or complicated. According to Mark Williams and Danny Penman in their book Mindfulness, even a 3-minute meditation will give you a meaningful mental break. We can all find time for that.
Go outside

A short walk outside where you completely detach from technology combines all three of these strategies into one power microbreak.
Breathe

In the event you’re stuck in a meeting or at your desk for prolonged periods, you can still reduce your stress and recharge. Taking deep, slow breaths can rapidly decrease stress and clear your mind. Just relax your belly, deepen your inhale, and exhale for a count of 5 or 6. The extended exhale sends your brain calming signals that dampen the fight-or-flight response.

One key to effective microbreaks is to take them before you need them. Schedule them throughout your day to get ahead of energy crashes and keep productivity high. To maximize the benefit of a microbreak, disconnect from work and technology and incorporate movement to get the blood flowing.

Recharging doesn’t happen naturally for most people anymore. We are constantly connected and reacting to one stimulus or another. That means we need to be more purposeful in how we recharge and manage our energy. The above strategies are proven ways for you to improve your focus and attention and to enhance your memory and learning. Pay attention to what works best for you and schedule regular microbreaks into your day.

For more strategies on how to manage stressors and energy, join us for Increasing Your Emotional Intelligence. See our Public Workshops page for dates.

May 4, 2017 by Klassen Performance Group

8 Reasons People Disengage

Consider your top employee, that person you’d hate to see leave. What would the impact of losing that person have on productivity, customers, and revenue? While some people quit and leave a company, others quit and stay. In other words, they disengage. According to Gallup, about 70% of American workers are disengaged. Can you prevent your top employees from joining that group?

There are 2 kinds of disengaged employees. The first is simply disengaged. They are physically there, but just putting in their time and going through the motions. The second kind is “actively disengaged”. This group isn’t just unhappy at work, they make sure everyone knows it. Imagine 70% of your team or your company made up of some combination of these disengaged employees. Actively disengaged employees alone are estimated to cost US companies $500 billion annually.

That’s a lot of disengagement and a lot of money, but there is hope because 95% of turnover and disengagement avoidable. In addition, engaged workforces outperform others by 147% in earnings per share. The key to taking advantage of this opportunity is knowing why employees are disengaged and how to reengage them before it’s too late

Let’s look at eight reasons employees disengage and even quit their job that you can do something about.

1. Their Boss

The single biggest factor leading to disengagement and turnover is an employee’s relationship with his or her boss. Spending 40-50 hours each week with someone you don’t like or respect is stressful and takes a toll. Eventually, people withdraw for self-preservation.

2. Disconnection from co-workers

Co-workers are another critical factor impacting employee engagement. They influence how an employee feels every day. Millennial workers value the social aspect of work even more than other generations. Their blending of personal and work lives mean that the relationships at work are more important than they’ve ever been.

Managers can influence this by providing opportunities for team members to get to know each other. This not only facilitates the connection they want, it also improves communication and teamwork, providing a nice return on the effort invested. This can be accomplished in small ways such as adding a bit of time for informal interaction at the beginning of a meeting, team development, occasional after hours gatherings, pot lucks, etc. There are a lot of little ways managers can do this, and, given the cost of disengaged workers, it is worth the effort.

3. Lack of developmental opportunities

In one survey, 80% of employees hadn’t had training in the previous five years. That is not only a disengagement risk, it is also a productivity risk. Development can come in many forms. Formal training is certainly one of them, and the one people think of most often. Some of the others include shadowing, mentoring, sharing best practices at team meetings, and coaching. One of the things that distinguishes Millennials from other generations is the amount of development they want. Are you providing it?

Managers can provide development easily and inexpensively by combining various approaches. Make sure that you encourage people to attend quality, relevant training. In addition to that, take advantage of daily informal opportunities through coaching, reading, leveraging internal mentors, sharing best practices, and so on.

For anyone concerned that if you invest in developing people, they’ll leave, keep this in mind from Richard Branson…

“Train people well enough so they can leave, but treat them well enough so they don’t want to.”

4. They aren’t challenged

No one wants to be bored and unchallenged by his or her work. Uninteresting work without the opportunity for growth can certainly lead to disengagement, especially for your most talented and motivated employees. Challenging employees doesn’t mean simply giving them more work; it means giving them new tasks that enable them to learn and grow.

Find out where employees’ interests lie, what skills they would like to develop, and find opportunities to challenge them in those areas. For example, you may have someone who wants to improve his ability to influence so you have him present at an all-hands meeting. The best managers challenge people to stretch themselves in a variety of ways. If you fail to challenge your employees, you risk boredom and disengagement.

5. Limited opportunities to pursue their passion

The opportunity to apply one’s unique strengths on the job is another important key to long-term engagement. When employees get a chance to do what they do best every day, they experience pride and a sense of accomplishment, which boosts self-confidence.

I worked as a supervisor in a group home for 3 years after college. I had a brief conversation with the president of that company as she visited the house and I mentioned that I enjoyed training. The following month, she asked me to be part of developing superviors in all 12 houses. It was a huge success and beneficial for both of us. She never would have had the opportunity to leverage that strength if she hadn’t taken the time to uncover my passion. It’s no surprise that this company has grown to 65 homes with over 1,000 employees and was rated the top workplace in MN for 2016.

Pursuing one’s passion energizes people and improves productivity and job satisfaction. Mangers must get to know the employees on a more personal, individual level to find opportunities to tap into an employee’s strengths and passions. Are you making the effort to do so?

6. Feeling overworked and overwhelmed

Doing more with less has become a common refrain in companies across the country and people are feeling the effects. Dr. Tiffany Sanders reports, “approximately 40% of all workers today feel overworked, pressured and squeezed to the point of anxiety, depression and disease.” Overworked employees who have a choice will leave. Those who don’t will quit and stay.

Companies that understand the cost of overworked employees are taking steps to help. What they cannot fix through increased efficiencies, they are creatively addressing by offering things like flex time, dry cleaning, gift cards for family dinners, etc. What are you doing to provide some relief for employees feeling overwhelmed?

7. They don’t see a purpose in their work

Employees today don’t just want a job, they want to feel connected to a worthwhile purpose. Those who don’t see a connection between their daily tasks and a greater purpose will disengage and soon look for different opportunities.

Help them feel connected by talking regularly about the company vision, mission, and values and how they impact the company’s strategic initiatives. What is clear to leadership may not be readily apprarent a few levels down. Learn your company’s story and tell it passionately and frequently.

8. They don’t feel valued

Smart leaders make certain their managers know how to balance the business side of their job with the people side. Managers who only focus on the business side generally see short-term success because people will stay engaged only so long when they don’t feel valued. Managers who fail to really care will always have high turnover rates. There is little motivation to put in one’s best effort when that effort isn’t appreciated or valued.

One of the most effective things leaders can do is hire managers who understand how important it is to balance the business and people side of their job. These are approachable managers who are likely to make people feel valued and engaged. People need to hear that they are valued and appreciated. Are you telling them?

Disengagement is prevalent and costly. It is difficult to determine the exact cost to your company because it doesn’t show up as a line item on a balance sheet. With 70% of US workers disengaged, it is safe to assume you have some disengaged employees on your team. Each of these eight reasons people disengage is preventable. With actively disengaged employees costing US companies $500 billion per year and engaged workforces outperforming them by 147%, can you afford to do nothing?

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Dr. Heather Johnson is a nationally recognized speaker with extensive experience developing leaders. With a doctorate in Psychology and over 20 years of business experience, she works with leaders to quickly identify individual and team performance obstacles and develops customized solutions that lead to rapid change and lasting results. Heather facilitates public and in-house workshops that deliver personalized, practical, and immediate results. Some of her most requested topics are: Influence, Emotional Intelligence, Team Building, Communication, and Strategic Planning. For more information call contact us here or call 651-322-7821.

April 20, 2017 by Klassen Performance Group

Yesterday’s Advice is Today’s Wisdom

As I prepared to watch my daughter graduate from college last year, I couldn’t help but think back to my own college graduation. Back then I was so focused on the career I wanted that I didn’t take time to appreciate the college experience. College was a means to an end, so I had accelerated the process and graduated in 3 ½ years. I had big goals and, with a laser focus, I was determined to achieve them. I am certainly not suggesting that focusing on goals is a bad thing. However, there is some advice I’d give to my then-21-year-old self if I could.

Find your balance

Don’t be so focused on what you want to achieve that you miss the value of the journey to that achievement. There are people and experiences along the way that will enrich your life and bring joy if you make time for them. Research shows that those who have fulfilling connections with friends and family live longer, happier lives. Nurturing those relationships is a great investment that pays off in many ways. Find the right balance of your career, personal development, family, fun, etc.

Carve out time for yourself as well. It is often the last thing people do with all the other demands of life. The thing is, investing in time for you will help you be more effective in all areas of your life. Whether you find 10 minutes to meditate, an hour for a hike, or an entire day to spend as you like, find ways to carve out that time.

Choose the impact you’ll have on others

One of my favorite quotes comes from Maya Angelou:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

You will go farther in all aspects of life if people associate you with positive emotions. You will get more business, advance in your career faster, attract a positive group of friends, etc. Do people feel your confidence as well as your compassion? Do they feel understood, inspired, valued, challenged, and energized when they are around you, or do interactions with you leave people feeling intimidated, marginalized, bullied, or overwhelmed? Pay attention to how others feel during and after an interaction with you. If that isn’t how you wanted them to feel, choose a different impact. This isn’t to say that you control how others feel, but what you say and how you say it influences how they feel. Choose the impact you have on others.

Make thoughtful sacrifices

Accomplishing your personal and professional goals will involve some difficult decisions and sacrifice. There are only 24 hours in a day, so you will have to say no to some good things to say yes to what is the most important to you. Say yes to the things aligned with your goals and make sacrifices wisely.

Experience gratitude every day

You’ll find that life passes much faster than you think it will. Some days will certainly be harder than others, but if you look for something to be grateful for, you’ll find it even on your worst days. It may be that at the end of a particularly challenging day, you are grateful to go home to a family who loves you. It may be that while grieving the death of a loved one you focus on your gratitude for the time you had together. On the best days, you’ll have a long list of things for which you are grateful. On the worst days, you may be grateful to have a job, a home, or your favorite meal. Gratitude has a powerful positive impact on people and it costs nothing. It is a great way to start a day. Make sure to experience gratitude every day.

Keep moving forward

One of my favorite Disney movies is “Meet the Robinsons”. It is about a young inventor named Lewis, who lives in an orphanage. Lewis faces many challenges in the movie, but his positive attitude and “keep moving forward” approach make him very resilient. The motto “Keep moving forward” originated from Walt Disney himself and is a great one to live by. There will be big and small challenges coming your way, personally and professionally. Keeping a positive attitude and reminding yourself to keep moving forward will help you bounce back quickly. As Lewis discovered, success doesn’t happen overnight; it is the result of putting yourself out there and often experiencing multiple failures. If you’re failing, you are trying. Don’t wallow in the failures. Learn from them and keep moving forward.

Never stop learning

Thanks to my dad, the words of Charlie “Tremendous” Jones are always in the back of my mind:

“You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.”

Learn through formal education, seminars, reading, and other people. Look for ideas that challenge your thinking or you won’t grow. Seek out people who grew up with different experiences and beliefs than you did and listen. How do they see things differently from you and what can you learn from that?

It is common to gravitate toward information that confirms your beliefs and people who are like you. That makes life comfortable, but allows for no learning or growth. Real learning happens when you stretch yourself, and that can be uncomfortable. Do it anyway. Never stop learning.

Yesterday’s advice is today’s wisdom

I don’t have a time machine, so I won’t have the opportunity to share this advice with my 21-year-old self. I will, however, share it with my 21-year-old daughter as she prepares to leave college and grapple with the challenges that will come her way.

Though 21 has come and gone long ago for many of us, this advice still holds true and is worth the reminder to continue to apply it to our lives today.

Balancing the areas of our lives can continue to be a challenge, whether it is balancing time dedicated to work, home, health, and family, or breaking each down further and balancing the needs of your team, your project goals, your direct reports, and your continued professional development. Finding the right balance continues to be important.
We will always need to be mindful of the impact we have on others. As we become parents, grandparents, mentors, team members, and leaders at work and in the community, making sure our perception about how we are impacting others aligns with the reality of that impact is as important now as it was when we were 21 and just starting out.
No matter our age, when there are goals we are trying to reach, there will be the need to pause and consider which sacrifices are needed to achieve them.
As the years go by, our collection of life experiences can give us more and more to be grateful for, while the demands of life can make it more difficult to pause and focus on gratitude and what we have.
Life will continue to throw unexpected challenges and hardships our way, and we need to keep moving forward.
In this digital age, we have so much information coming at us that it may feel like we are continuing to learn and expand simply by ingesting it. But unless we are mindful of the confirmation bias we all naturally gravitate toward, it can have the opposite effect. Purposeful personal and professional development continues to be important.

What advice would you add that you would have given your younger self that still holds true today?

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March 21, 2017 by Klassen Performance Group

Floored by the TSA! Emotional Intelligence in Action

Early one morning, my family and I were at the airport awaiting a vacation sorely needed by all. Spirits were high until we glanced at a congested security line. Ongoing delays left many travelers frustrated, and, when 2 of our bags were selected for additional screening, I had a nagging feeling I would soon join them.

We saw TSA agents all around us, but no one checked our bags. We waited and waited as our bags sat on the table. Doubting that the situation would resolve itself, I made polite but firm requests that an agent attend to our bags. In total, I made 4 such requests while we waited nearly 15 minutes for an agent to help us.

I was frustrated. My smile was gone, my tone was serious, and I shifted impatiently as the minutes dragged on. Finally, an agent approached. All the agents had been dealing with frustrated or angry people all morning. When he and I first made eye contact, I didn’t have high expectations for the imminent search of our bags. What we experienced next more than surprised me – I was floored.

Instead of meeting my frustration with defensiveness or reciprocating with frustration of his own, he amazed me with exceptional awareness and emotional skill. Specifically, he applied 3 concepts of EQ so fluidly that he turned a negative experience into a positive one.

He empathized. Despite the chaos and overwhelming demands on his team, he focused exclusively on me. He could tell by my tone of voice, facial expression, and body language that I was in a hurry and frustrated. It was a pleasant surprise that he seemed to genuinely understand and care about my experience. As he opened the first bag, he smiled and said, “I’m sure you’re in a hurry. I will get you going as fast as I can.” Realizing that he cared that I was frustrated and wanted to help expedite the process had an immediate and positive impact on our interaction.
He managed his emotions. When dealing with one frustrated customer after another, it is easy to take on some of that negative energy. This agent showed no sign of that. He continued to smile and use a friendly tone as he looked through our bags. If he had approached us in a negative way, it would have only escalated the situation. He was a model of managing his emotions rather than letting the situation get the best of him.
He influenced my emotions. In the brief time it took him to look through our luggage, my emotions changed completely. I give all the credit to this TSA agent. His influence on my emotions started with his smile and warm tone as he greeted us and continued as he checked the bags. It was disarming because I expected a cold, mechanical approach. As he searched, he got us talking about our vacation, and everyone’s mood improved. It was a pleasant surprise that he treated us as individuals and not just one more family in a long line of frustrated travelers trying to get through security during a busy time. We headed to our gate smiling and talking about what a great agent he was. It was a much better start to our vacation than it could have been.

I go through more security lines during the year than I’d like to count. I expect delays and typically roll with them when they happen. This day was especially bad, and I allowed my frustration to get the best of me. Rather than adding fuel to that fire, this TSA agent was the perfect example of EQ in action. His empathy allowed him to effectively read the situation and respond in just the right way. His ability to manage his emotions in a chaotic situation surrounded by frustrated and even angry travelers was impressive. This TSA agent is a great example of how applying EQ can change an interaction whether at work or at home.

To learn more about emotional contagion and how you can develop your EQ, contact Heather Johnson or attend one of our in-depth workshops.

November 29, 2016 by Klassen Performance Group

Rebuilding Damaged Relationships

We all make mistakes from time to time that damage personal and professional relationships. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or in the wrong way can have lasting negative impacts. Maybe you can relate to one of these situations:

During a disagreement with a co-worker Liz yelled, “I can never count on you!” before leaving the cubicle in a huff.
Jay broke the “no politics” rule at Thanksgiving. He and his dad both said some cutting, hurtful things to each other.

When important relationships get damaged, we need to begin repairing it sooner rather than later. Things don’t get better by waiting for the other person to apologize to you. It isn’t always easy to swallow your pride and take the first step, but with important relationships, we need to do exactly that. The five steps below can help you navigate these high-stakes conversations and begin to rebuild those relationships.

1. Manage your emotions before attempting a conversation.

It will do no good to go into a conversation still feeling intense negative emotions. Whether you are angry, hurt, or feeling something else, calm down first. When intense emotions take over, they compromise our thinking, memory, and problem solving. The first step is to take the time to calm down.

2. Determine your purpose.

Remind yourself why the relationship is important and determine the purpose of your conversation. Do you need to rebuild an effective working relationship? Do you need to rebuild a relationship with a sibling so you can work together to make decisions for aging parents? Keeping your purpose in mind will help keep you focused on what is important rather than getting sidetracked by irrelevant comments.

3. Identify your role in what happened and own it.

Identifying why you are angry with the other person is the easy part. Identifying your role is harder. Assume that you played a role and dig deep, if necessary, to identify it. Maybe you fired back defensively and said something that made things worse. Or maybe you didn’t say anything, but your hostile body language exacerbated things. In either case, you can’t blame that on the other person; you have to own your part.

Owning your part will go a long way toward rebuilding the relationship. Don’t allow yourself to believe you were just a victim and did nothing. Dig deep to find your part in it.

4. Apologize

Once you’ve identified your role, sincerely apologize for it. Without a sincere apology, negative emotions fester and continue to erode the relationship over time. An apology goes a long way because it validates the other’s experience of wrongdoing. It then allows them to move past the negative emotion and move forward with the relationship.

5. Listen

The first four steps will go a long way toward having a productive conversation. Keep in mind that two people can see the same situation in two very different ways. You know your experience, but you don’t know theirs. Listen with an open mind. It is very possible that the other person experienced something you didn’t realize. In fact, once you listen with an open mind, you may find you need to apologize again.

Although you can’t undo the past, you can take steps to rebuild the relationship. Relationships are important in both our personal and work lives. Don’t allow damage to fester. Begin to rebuild relationships as soon as possible and move forward.

November 23, 2016 by Klassen Performance Group

Using Emotional Intelligence To Avoid Conflict Over Thanksgiving

Many people I’ve worked with over the last few weeks have expressed concern about Thanksgiving and Holiday gatherings this year. No matter where they turn, it seems, it’s been difficult to escape continual chatter about the events leading up to, and surrounding, this year’s midterm elections, and emotions across the board have been running especially high. The good news is, differences of opinion don’t have to ruin your holiday. Leverage your emotional intelligence with the following tips, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Tap Into Your Self-Awareness

Disagreements often happen when people get frustrated with what others say or do. At the same time, they can be oblivious to their own impact on the conversation. Stop and check your emotional state. Are you angry, defensive, overwhelmed or something else? It’s important to know because emotions drive behavior.

Awareness of emotions makes for more purposeful rather than impulsive behavior. As soon as you identify what you’re feeling, you can make more conscious choices. Pay attention not only to what you say, but to your body language and your tone of voice when you say it. Remember, disagreements take two people. Are you aware of your part?

Guard Against the Emotional Hijack

It is easy when we feel attacked to go into what’s called the emotional hijack. During a hijack, emotions take over and compromise rational thinking. This often leads to saying and doing things we later regret. You can prevent this if you know how to stop it.

Don’t let a hijack ruin your Thanksgiving. Once you realize you’ve been emotionally hijacked, escape by taking a break from the situation, taking deep breaths, or reframing the situation.

Turn on Your Emotional Radar

People from the same family have different experiences, opinions, and communication styles. Generation gaps can exacerbate all of that. Instead of judging others and trying to convince them to see things your way, try listening first. Listen and genuinely try to understand why they see things the way they do.

Nothing bad ever came from trying to understand another’s point of view. Practice empathy this Thanksgiving.

Prioritize Relationships Over Being Right

Disagreements get prolonged when the focus is on being right rather than finding common ground or simply understanding one another. The need to be right closes minds and shuts down communication. It can also temporarily or permanently damage a relationship.
Before engaging in conversation with a family member that could become contentious, consider your priorities. Is being right worth damaging a relationship?

Thanksgiving is a time to focus on things for which we are grateful. There is likely something about every family member you appreciate. Taking the time to focus on those things will elicit positive emotions that will impact how you greet and interact with everyone – even those with whom you most disagree. Make it a Happy Thanksgiving.